Valentine's Day is always a point of contention amongst many. It's the holiday equivalent of Marmite you either love it or you hate it, with loved up couples usually making up the former contingent and more often than not bitter singletons occupying the latter group.
Now I've always fallen into that unspoken area of indifference when it comes to Marmite, and I have the same sentiments about Valentine's day, but one thing I cannot bear is sappy mush. Over-emphatic compliments and declarations of undying love make me cringe. Even if Johnny Depp told me "If I was dying I'd use my last breath to tell you I love you" (I genuinely have seen this on a V-day card) I'd die right back inside. Not only is that nausea-inducing how do you go about timing something like that? Lies, all lies.
If you want to enjoy the holiday without all the saccharine bollocks, cast your eyes on these wonderful cards. They almost make me want to buy somebody one.
Well they do. Show your creepy weirdo some affection. Dean Morris Cards, £2.00
Give me an MC hammer reference and you CAN touch this. Scribbler £2.99
If this doesn't say "I'm yours for eternity" I don't know what does. Scribbler £2.99
Biscuits are the kind of compliments I can handle. Joy, £2.50
Nothing sexier than an inhaler. Scribbler, £2.99
Straight to the point, no dicking around here. Actually that depends on your definition of dicking around... Scribbler £2.99
Show me a man who's in it for the smile and I'll show you a LIAR. Scribbler £2.99
Genius. A great pun will do it every time. Funky Pigeon, £2.99
The foundation of every epic romance. I bet Mr Darcy didn't turn up without baked goods. Etsy, £3.12
My personal favourite. There's no better security than knowing your other half has lost all notions of undying love and given up. This is it. Moonpig, £2.99
These are just a small selection of what is out there so there's really no excuse for lame Valentine's cards. Puppies are cute but they're also needy. Something to think about...
