Showing posts with label Beauty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beauty. Show all posts

Monday, 3 November 2014

Why YOUR art really does matter...

Exposing yourself to people is never easy (emotionally not physically, the latter is surprisingly so and, depending on the circumstance, may get you arrested…) but someone wise told me that to truly excel in your craft you have to take a big old metaphorical knife, slice open your chest and spill your heart, guts and everything else in-between out. Not my liver though, I'll be requiring that for all the wine I'll need after posting this…

I used to think that "your art matters" was just a cheesy line that Lucas used to tell Peyton in nearly every single episode of One Tree Hill but now I realise that the teenage boy, who quite literally narrated his way through life like a middle aged agony aunt, may have had a point.

When an actor convinces you that their heart has broken on stage, it is an echo of when it has truly been broken before. Or when a vocalist sends shivers to your core it is not necessarily through technique but because you can feel their ache in every note. All art expresses the inner workings of the artists mind. To say that it doesn't matter means that person doesn't matter. YOUR art matters because YOU matter. 


If I had a penny for every time I have discarded a draft of a song/script/article because I didn't think it was good enough or I was too scared to put myself out there in fear of what people would think about me, my piggy bank wouldn't be sitting so forlornly on my windowsill begging to be fed. But writing and singing liberates me, and I shouldn't have to sacrifice my joy so as not to offend someone who probably doesn't care anyway or (shock, horror!) may even enjoy it.

My writing is a lot like my character. Jovial, sarcastic and lighthearted often belying what's really going on in my silly anxiety-ridden head. The thought of sharing what I've written about subjects that really mean something to me with the world brings me out in a cold sweat. And similarly when I sing I feel completely vulnerable. But why should I be embarrassed about how I feel? Most people, unless made of stone, will have felt extremes of elation, despair and everything else in-between. We only truly engage with art when we feel an affinity with it.


Three things I have come to learn are:

1. The majority of people don't care as much as you think. Whether that's good or bad they really don't. Generally most people are too consumed in their own lives to give more than a passing glance to yours. So sod it!
2. Your art should be for you. Are you happy with it? That's all that counts. If someone else enjoys it great, but equally don't let somebody's inability to see your value decrease your worth. And if they hate it enough to pass judgement at least you inspired a reaction.
3. If no one had the courage to bother there would be no art and that would make for a pretty bleak world.


The beautiful thing about art is that it is completely subjective. The legendary Beethoven said: "To play a wrong note is insignificant; to play without passion is inexcusable" and I couldn't agree more. For me when it comes to passion vs perfection, passion always prevails.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

10 things every twenty-something woman needs in her arsenal…

You should all know by now that your twenties is a big old battlefield. Guys, friends, work; shit is always about to hit the proverbial fan.  But we don't have to power through weaponless. That would just be silly. Here are ten things that every twenty-something woman should possess to call upon in times of need...

The perfect red lipstick

Every woman NEEDS to don a red lip every now and again and trust us, there is a shade for everyone. If you're having a confidence crisis nothing will empower you more than slicking on that perfect red; it is the colour of passion, power and desire after all. As burlesque goddess Dita Von Teese said, "Heels and red lipstick will put the fear of God into people". So strut down the street, pout first, and watch the world weep.


  
A power song

Picture Rocky having a bit of a bad day or feeling a tad deflated. Now imagine how he would feel if 'Eye of the Tiger' came blasting though his earphones at that exact moment? He'd be at the top of those stairs faster than Mr T could say, "I pity the fool". Every woman should have a power song that encourages them to take on the world when all they want to do is curl up in bed and watch back to back episodes of Girls. It can be absolutely anything, as long as it makes you shake it off like Taylor Swift and put your 'bad-ass' hat on.




An older (and wiser) friend

The simple fact is that in our twenties (possibly even our thirties) we will not have our sh*t together. An older and more knowledgeable female friend will serve to remind us of this when we dramatically proclaim that our lives are falling apart. Whatever predicament you find yourself in you can be certain that she will have been there, done that, and have the pinot grigio induced scars to prove it. Sure, we have to face those obstacles and learn the lessons for ourselves, but having a strong and fabulous female mentor helping to guide us through the maze can be a godsend.
 



A signature dish

Women (and men too) should all have one dish - and if you want to go totally crazy, a dessert too - that they can execute to perfection. This will ensure that the idea of an impromptu dinner party or cooking for the in-laws doesn't bring you out in a cold sweat. Plus it's nice to believe that if 'Come Dine With Me' came knocking your home-made lasagne and banoffee pie combination would quite clearly take the prize.




A good bookshelf

We're not talking about the actual bookshelf - you may be Team Kindle - we're referring to what's in it. The more you read, the more you know and the euphoric feeling of getting just one question right on University Challenge is one that should not be overlooked. Not only does reading provide escapism, it expands your vocabulary and helps hone all those witty retorts you'll undoubtedly need at one point or another. Which brings us to our next one…




A sharp wit

Everyone hates thinking "oh I wish I had said that" whilst fretting about an incident when someone made you feel inferior (damn you hindsight), but mastering the ability to deliver a clever comeback is one that will do wonders for your confidence. It's not easy to stand up for yourself when you feel two feet tall but trust us, afterwards you will feel like Jack Dawson, arms spread, standing at the front of the Titanic. As J.K. Rowling wrote in Harry Potter, "Wit beyond measure is a man's greatest treasure". When has JK ever steered us wrong?


 


A beautiful pair of well-fitting heels

Is there any greater joy than slipping your feet into a sexy pair of skyscrapers to discover that you can stand in them AND they are actually (dare you say it?) comfortable…or as comfortable as a 4-inch heel can be. The late, great Marilyn once said, "Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world". The perfect pair will make you feel as sexy as hell (is hell sexy?...) as soon as the ball of your foot hits the ground.

 


A great pair of sunglasses

Squinting is not a good look, and for that reason alone every lady should own a pair of spectacular sunnies, but it's not just about UV protection. A decent pair of sunglasses can perk up a face in an instant; especially if you've been a dirty stop out running on two hours sleep or manage to get a black eye... They don't have to be ludicrously expensive, as long as you find the right shape for your face a Primark pair will work a treat.





A signature scent

It's fun to mix it up every now and then, but most of us have that one perfume that we keep going back to. Sure we'll have the occasional fling with a spicy little number, but nothing beats that old classic. We all know the stirring of nostalgia we feel when we're going about our daily business and suddenly get a whiff of a scent that reminds us of a certain someone. Good or bad, smell evokes memory and can say a lot about the wearer. A signature scent is a great way to leave your stamp.




A sense of humour

A good sense of humour is truly one of the best things you can possess. We've all made a spectacle of ourselves from time to time, be it face-planting at the feet of the guy we fancy or dancing a little too aggressively and being escorted out of a club for accidentally drop kicking the DJs laptop. Even if you're dying on the inside just keep on laughing and the world will laugh with you, not at you. Hey, if it worked for Jennifer Lawrence…



Thursday, 1 May 2014

The perils of the fake tan finger...

It has been a while since my last poem, but after a recent mishap with some false tan (I vow to now forever accept my god-given paleness) I was inspired to rhyme once again.

All you ladies who have ever reached for the bottle will understand the perils of the fake tan finger. No matter how careful you are, your hands at one point in your life will have given the game away. Onlookers will realise that no, you haven't been chilling in the Caribbean or cruising around Monaco on a yacht. And it is all the fault of those blotchy fingers.

The application was precise,
A mitt was used and blended thrice.
To bed you go, smothered in mousse
hoping you weren't haphazard or obtuse.
You arise from slumber, and rush to the mirror
the result is pleasing, it sure did deliver.
A smooth golden glow, brown as a conker,
But then you see it, oh what a plonker...
In the crevice of each finger,
that telltale orange stain doth linger.
Scrub as you might those marks wont fade,
evidence of the mistake you made.
As you come to accept your loss,
your only options now are thus.
To your parlour do you retreat?
Don a glove, or admit defeat?
Your tan is false and now they know,
Your act of folly, forever your foe.

Kim K knows...



Thursday, 6 February 2014

8 beauty trends I wish would die

Have you ever wondered why certain beauty trends catch on when they definitely should never have come to fruition in the first place?

Surely the primary objective when it comes to your beauty regime is to look like a more groomed and glowing version of yourself. If you start out the process looking like a half decent human being and then resemble a Picasso when you're about to leave the house then your regime needs a serious once-over.
 
Here are some trends I wish would go the way of the dinosaur.

 
Power Brows

The first one I feel I must address, as my people are responsible for it and it in turn was the inspiration for this blog, is the infamous 'scouse brow'. Now I am all for a strong, structured brow a la Delvigne, but you need to seriously reassess your mental state if you consider permanent marker brows attractive.


Put the Sharpie down, take a deep breath and walk away.







Bad lashes

No I'm not referring to the the awfully named X Factor rejects, I'm talking about bad false lashes. If you're going to resort to sticking fake bits of hair to your eyes at least do it properly.

When a royal starts to resemble a cast member of The Only Way is Essex you know it's gone too far. What would your Gran say Beatrice?


Ludicrously big hair

As someone with quite a mop of long, naturally straight hair I understand the perils of trying to keep your wig voluminous, the sheer weight alone drags out any kind of style or body. But a little bit of backcombing at the roots and some gentle curling is all anyone needs. Your barnet is not supposed to be rivaling the Eiffel tower.

N.B. Two seconds after this picture was taken a pigeon flew out.









The not-so-subtle art of contouring

Ever since Kim 'Kontour' Kardashian started raving about how she achieves her plastic look (yeah it's just make-up, honestly...) every Tom, Dick and Harriet has been drawing straight lines all over their faces. The idea is to use shading and highlighting to enhance your natural contours. Note the word natural. A stripe of unblended bronzer where a cheekbone should be does not give the illusion of said cheekbone.


Say it with me Lindsay, A line does not a cheekbone make.


Satsuma skin

I've always thought the idea of fake tan was to look as though you've been chilling in the Caribbean for the last two weeks, but it would appear I am mistaken. Oh and don't bother blending your face to your body either...

Unless you've been on holiday to the sun wearing a onesie, no ones buying it love. You look like you've dipped your face in a bowl of wotsits.








Hair extensions

They were ludicrous enough when they first came about but I thought they would have died a death long ago. How wrong I was. I can understand people clipping them in for some extra body if needs must, but for length? What is so wrong with shorter hair? And correct me if I'm labouring under a misapprehension but I was under the impression that hair grows. Yes the results aren't quite as instantaneous but persevere my dears.

There is no bigger turn off than when a guy (or girl, I don't discriminate) seductively runs his hands through your hair only for his hand to get stuck/accidentally yank out your stennys. Not only will it ruin the moment, the pain you will encounter may reflexively make you knee him in the groin. Not generally the foundation of epic romance.

In conclusion; if you absolutely must extend put the glue down and just use clip ins.



Shadow fails

Eyeshadow is about contouring the eyes and enhancing their natural beauty. The keyword when it comes to eyeshadow is blending. If you can't master this, then you should leave well alone. A general rule of thumb is that if you looked better before then you probably shouldn't wear it. It's not rocket science.

Tyra looks like she's just put her hands in the fireplace and sweeped her fingers across her eyelids. It's that bad she can't even smize.

Overzealous application of black shadow will never work. There is a reason Eye of the Panda would never have made it to number 1.





Over-lining the lips


Yes, we'd all probably like slightly juicier lips and a Julia Roberts smile but for the same reason that collagen looks ridiculous if your pout is naturally small, so does drawing a line a centimetre outside of your natural lipline. It's totally disproportionate to your face. Plus we can see your actual mouth in the middle of your drawn on lips, you aren't fooling anyone.





Embrace your rosebud lips. It's either that or look like you've been punched in the mouth, the choice is yours...



Right then, I've said my piece. If you are guilty of any of these crimes against beauty take a long hard look at yourself and stop offending our eyes.

Or you could just combine them all and look like this



No-one's laughing now.