10 things every twenty-something woman needs in her arsenal…

You should all know by now that your twenties is a big old battlefield. Guys, friends, work; shit is always about to hit the proverbial fan.  But we don't have to power through weaponless. That would just be silly. Here are ten things that every twenty-something woman should possess to call upon in times of need...

The perfect red lipstick

Every woman NEEDS to don a red lip every now and again and trust us, there is a shade for everyone. If you're having a confidence crisis nothing will empower you more than slicking on that perfect red; it is the colour of passion, power and desire after all. As burlesque goddess Dita Von Teese said, "Heels and red lipstick will put the fear of God into people". So strut down the street, pout first, and watch the world weep.

  

A power song

Picture Rocky having a bit of a bad day or feeling a tad deflated. Now imagine how he would feel if 'Eye of the Tiger' came blasting though his earphones at that exact moment? He'd be at the top of those stairs faster than Mr T could say, "I pity the fool". Every woman should have a power song that encourages them to take on the world when all they want to do is curl up in bed and watch back to back episodes of Girls. It can be absolutely anything, as long as it makes you shake it off like Taylor Swift and put your 'bad-ass' hat on.

An older (and wiser) friend

The simple fact is that in our twenties (possibly even our thirties) we will not have our sh*t together. An older and more knowledgeable female friend will serve to remind us of this when we dramatically proclaim that our lives are falling apart. Whatever predicament you find yourself in you can be certain that she will have been there, done that, and have the pinot grigio induced scars to prove it. Sure, we have to face those obstacles and learn the lessons for ourselves, but having a strong and fabulous female mentor helping to guide us through the maze can be a godsend.

 

A signature dish

Women (and men too) should all have one dish - and if you want to go totally crazy, a dessert too - that they can execute to perfection. This will ensure that the idea of an impromptu dinner party or cooking for the in-laws doesn't bring you out in a cold sweat. Plus it's nice to believe that if 'Come Dine With Me' came knocking your home-made lasagne and banoffee pie combination would quite clearly take the prize.

A good bookshelf

We're not talking about the actual bookshelf - you may be Team Kindle - we're referring to what's in it. The more you read, the more you know and the euphoric feeling of getting just one question right on University Challenge is one that should not be overlooked. Not only does reading provide escapism, it expands your vocabulary and helps hone all those witty retorts you'll undoubtedly need at one point or another. Which brings us to our next one…

A sharp wit

Everyone hates thinking "oh I wish I had said that" whilst fretting about an incident when someone made you feel inferior (damn you hindsight), but mastering the ability to deliver a clever comeback is one that will do wonders for your confidence. It's not easy to stand up for yourself when you feel two feet tall but trust us, afterwards you will feel like Jack Dawson, arms spread, standing at the front of the Titanic. As J.K. Rowling wrote in Harry Potter, "Wit beyond measure is a man's greatest treasure". When has JK ever steered us wrong?

 

A beautiful pair of well-fitting heels

Is there any greater joy than slipping your feet into a sexy pair of skyscrapers to discover that you can stand in them AND they are actually (dare you say it?) comfortable…or as comfortable as a 4-inch heel can be. The late, great Marilyn once said, "Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world". The perfect pair will make you feel as sexy as hell (is hell sexy?...) as soon as the ball of your foot hits the ground.

 

A great pair of sunglasses

Squinting is not a good look, and for that reason alone every lady should own a pair of spectacular sunnies, but it's not just about UV protection. A decent pair of sunglasses can perk up a face in an instant; especially if you've been a dirty stop out running on two hours sleep or manage to get a black eye... They don't have to be ludicrously expensive, as long as you find the right shape for your face a Primark pair will work a treat.

A signature scent

It's fun to mix it up every now and then, but most of us have that one perfume that we keep going back to. Sure we'll have the occasional fling with a spicy little number, but nothing beats that old classic. We all know the stirring of nostalgia we feel when we're going about our daily business and suddenly get a whiff of a scent that reminds us of a certain someone. Good or bad, smell evokes memory and can say a lot about the wearer. A signature scent is a great way to leave your stamp.

A sense of humour

A good sense of humour is truly one of the best things you can possess. We've all made a spectacle of ourselves from time to time, be it face-planting at the feet of the guy we fancy or dancing a little too aggressively and being escorted out of a club for accidentally drop kicking the DJs laptop. Even if you're dying on the inside just keep on laughing and the world will laugh with you, not at you. Hey, if it worked for Jennifer Lawrence…

11 REAL reasons girls want a boyfriend...

Being a woman in your twenties is no easy feat. If you're single people think it's ok to ask why (it's not), and if you're in a relationship then where's the ring? There is a general assumption  that women are so desperate for marriage and babies that they are willing to be tied down into a lifelong contract and impregnated by any Tom, Dick or Harry. Now admittedly most girls would find enjoyment in having a boyfriend, but there are a lot of practical reasons to having a partner that shouldn't be overlooked…


1. Someone to deal with the spiders

It's creeping up to the top of the list of things I want in a mate. In fact it is largely becoming a reason I actually want a mate. Seriously, if they can't deal with spiders either what use are they going to be as a protector? After a gargantuan spider invaded my inner santcum the other day I was powerless. It was just me and the beast alone, my cries for help heard by none. The thought of growing old and alone in a world of spiders filled me with far more dread than one of spinsterhood and cats.

2. Two salaries are better than one

Being single in the salary sieve that is London I was always envious of my attached friends and colleagues, but not for romantic reasons. Purely financial ones. Yes, cuddles on cold winter nights would have been nice (see #5) but had I been splitting the cost of rent I could have afforded to put the radiator on. They got cuddles AND central heating. I got to cry into my four jumpers.

3. There is a person obliged to do stuff with you

Not even the sexy stuff, just stuff. Whether it's boring errands you don't want to run on your own or going to watch a film or play you're desperate to see, regardless of whether they want to they HAVE to suck it up and accompany you. It's an unwritten law.

4. Sex on tap

Lets face it, men are never saying no so whenever you fancy a bit it's yours for the taking.

5. Cuddles on tap

The innocent younger sibling of sex - the cuddle - is wildly underrated. Sometimes there is nothing more comforting than wrapping your arms around a big hunk of man, they're just so bloody cosy. Sadly pillows are neither warm nor cuddle back.

6. They provide endless entertainment

Personally I like my men to be witty and a little sarcastic (which can drastically backfire in a heated discussion when I SO want to be annoyed but am secretly impressed with their clever retort) but whether they mean to be or not, they are humorous creatures. Sorry, you touched the iron to see if it was on and blistered your finger? Dying.

7. They are our guinea pigs 

They'll do all the shit we're scared to do simply because we ask them and their male pride can't say no. That disgusting but intriguing looking canape? They're eating it.

8. They're your get out of jail free card

Your distant cousins baby shower? Awww as much as you would have LOVED to spend the afternoon drinking alcohol free champagne (sacrilege) and rejoicing over nappy dispensers, the boyfriend's (insert relative here) is visiting. What a bummer.

9. It gets people off your back

Be it the cretins who linger around you on a night out or your relatives wondering if you've managed to establish yourself as a proper grown-up human by being in relationship... Whatever the reason, the words "I've got a boyfriend" seem to be enough to shut people up.

10. They'll always give us their coats 

They may moan when we refuse to wear a coat when heading out. but it tugs at their heartstrings (and their ego) when they see us shivering away whilst they're nice and toasty in their man jacket. In our defence we DO feel a bit guilty watching them freeze their bollocks off for us. Not enough to make us bring a coat in the first place but it's there.

And finally...

11. Love 

There, I said it. Kill me now but the only real reason we want someone to share everything with is love. I would imagine there is no better feeling in this world than being truly loved by someone, and equally there is nothing as crushing as a love unrequited. As Ewan McGregor said in Moulin Rouge "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." Nail. On. Head.

Why comparison really IS the thief of joy...

A couple of weeks ago I was indulging in some casual quote reading (I love a profound quote) when I came across one that stuck with me. Theodore Roosevelt once surmised that "comparison is the thief of joy." Theo old chap, you weren't wrong...


The first example of this that popped into my head was food envy. I have, on more than one occasion, waited for my dining partner to order and simply chosen the same to avoid the sadness of food envy. Unless the other person orders a dish with fruit on (ie. Hawaiian pizza *shudder*), then I'm ALWAYS the winner. Sometimes menus are the devil, with their abundance of delectable options. After much deliberation, you finally manage to narrow it down. Now there are just two strong contenders vying to be your nutrition for the evening. One decision is all that's between you and a satisfied palate. One of them has just tipped the balance when BAM! Your friend chooses the dish you were about to cast aside. Then come the dreads. Never have you been more unsure of yourself. What if the other dish is a gastronomical triumph and you're left with a flaccid slab of lasagne? It could quite literally leave a sour taste in your mouth for the whole evening.




Why is it that we can be perfectly happy, and actually rather content, with our joy quota until we see someone else who appears to be experiencing a little bit MORE joy. And just like that our joy is shit, we want their joy. Our joy is now so pitiful that it may as well be misery.

Social media (I'm looking at you Facebook and Instagram) definitely perpetuates this tendency to compare ourselves to our peers, but you need to take a step back and realise that what you are witnessing is a completely edited version of a person's life. The photo-shopped version if you will. You may be salivating over the picture of the artfully arranged eggs Benedict creation rolling around Sally's belly this morning, courtesy of some poncy eatery (a lot of my envy involves food it would seem…), but what Sally DIDN'T Instagram was the burnt fried eggs, beans, and oven chips combination that she wolfed down the previous evening. And nothing is sadder than a solid yolk.

We've always done it though. Us humans just can't help ourselves. In the olden days before the creation of the world wide web we'd compare ourselves with the neighbours. "Have you seen Gill's garden? Look at her new bush. Alison always had the biggest bush on the block but Gill's bush is definitely bigger than Alison's bush..."

I bet once upon a time Sir Lancelot had acquired a new courser (yeah, I did my horse research) and was feeling pretty damn good about his trusty steed until King Arthur galloped around the corner on his destrier stallion. "Take that Lancy," thought Arthur, "my horse is bigger than your horse."

So basically, stop doing a comparethemarket.com on your life. And remember, no matter what you do there will always be someone doing (or appearing to do) it better. Don't fret however, there will also be a large number of people doing it far worse.

As Oscar Wilde said; "Be yourself, everyone else is already taken." Morale of the tale; *puts on Oprah voice* stop trying to be the best. Just be the best version of you...