With just a week to go until St Valentine's day descends many of you people will be flapping about what to buy your other half . Too over the top and you risk them running a mile but too insignificant and they may stick pins in a little voodoo you. Play it safe and go for the comedy gift. Unless they're expecting a proposal or something equally as epic. Then you're screwed.
Anyway here are some gifts that I have come across, there should be something for every relationship...
For the truly heartless
There is only one thing worse than getting your other half nothing for Valentines day, actually buying them nothing. In effect you are going out of your way to build up someones hope and watch their dreams shatter as they unwrap the gift and realise what they have been given. By all means give it a go though, someone may appreciate the joke...
£6.49, Iwantoneofthose.com
For the man who takes care of his member
Since
they treasure them so much it is only right that they should want to
keep them pristine. This kit comes complete with a fluffing brush,
grooming scissors, sprucing mirror and even a little necklace to adorn
it with once it's ready to hit the town.
Note
that this product is meant to make you feel more confident about your
John Thomas, I couldn't help but feel sorry for this poor guy on Amazon:
"Great product but had to have some of the links removed on bracelet. mirror could benefit from more magnification.. "
£8.44, Amazon.co.uk
For your man-child
It's a well known fact that boys like to put their penis in things. Buy your guy this and let him have hours of fun making his little mister replace things such as a hotdog and sea serpent...
£6.39, Amazon.co.uk
Just make sure you don't buy it used...
For OCD ladies
This handy little soap has a side for your face and a side for your intimate area. Never will you rub your fanny on your face again.
£1.99, Findmeagift.co.uk
For some bath-time music
Rubber ducks in general are a bit shit, but not this duck. This is the iDuck and I want to take a bath with it right now. If only I bloody had one. The iDuck is a wireless floating speaker with a receiver that you connect your iPhone/iPod to. So whether you're bathing solo or getting down to some underwater loving, think of how much better it would be with this duck floating around emitting it's musical love.
£14.49, Iwantoneofthose.com
For Chocolate lovers
What is better than a willy? A CHOCOLATE willy. And not just any chocolate willy. You use the mould to make a cast of your favourite willy, with the permission of the owner of said willy of course. Lets say willy again for good measure. Willy.
£24.95, Prezzybox.com
For the dominatrix
Ok, so it's not exactly 50 Shades of Grey territory but be the master and make your man eat out of this 'MAN' dish like a dog. Plus he'll love it because it fits loads of cereal. Just don your stilettos and make sure he licks the bowl clean.
£14.99, Menkind.co.uk
For the safety conscious
STI's are no laughing matter, and neither is losing important files. WRAP UP and BACK UP. Enforce the idea of safety first with this handy little condom wrapper USB memory drive. Fits nicely in your wallet too, just don't get it mixed up when you're drunk...
£7.99, Amazon.co.uk
For your mysterious girl
Hopefully you will be doing the deed with a sensible and respectable man who carries his own protection but in this day and age it's just good sense to carry your own. You don't just want them just knocking around at the bottom of your handbag however, we ladies have class. Use this compact mirror with its concealed compartment to house your protection. It's the James Bond of rubber sheath holders.
£9.99, Amazon.co.uk
For every man alive
If you really love the man in your life and are feeling flush, I can't think of a better way to show him than by buying him his own beer dispenser. Seriously, swan in with this and you'll get away with anything for the next few months. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, how much were what shoes? I'll be in now, let me just pour you a pint and serve it to you in my lingerie then we can talk about it...". Never mentioned again.
